Writer | Content Creator | Teen Witch

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Topher Cusumano is a humorist & playwright from Brooklyn, NY. His work has appeared on Pink Canoe, Robot Butt, SpiltSider, Werrrk.com, and Hornet Stories.

His episodic theatre piece, The Cult Play, was produced by Phoenix Theatre Ensemble at NYC's Paradise factory. 

After the internet decided Babadook was queer, Topher co-wrote and executive produced the parody music video “Babashook” with drag performer Pissi Myles, which HelloGiggles.com called “the perfect homage to the beloved horror villain.” 

Topher earned an MFA in Dramatic Writing from Savannah College of Art & Design. His professional goals include becoming the coolest teen witch in a high school coven.


This drag queen story times goes terribly wrong as Pissi Myles finds herself accidently booked for a gig at a daycare. A documentary crew from This/That were on hand to capture what happened when an audience of young children and their scandalized parents came face to face with New Jersey's premiere snark queen. Written by Topher Cusumano & Pissi Myles.


16 Subtle Ways to Come Out as Gay to Your Family This Thanksgiving
Edited by: Jesse Steinbach

Elvira Talks Halloween, Being an LGBTQ Icon and Selling a Haunted House to Brad Pitt
Interview with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark for Marriott Traveler

Welcome to Our Extremely Tasteful, Dangerously Haunted Dream Home
Co-Written with Lillian Stone
Edited by: Brian Boone

In Honor of National Poetry Month, Gag on These ‘Drag Race’ Haiku
 Hornet Stories
Edited by: Matt Keeley

I Will Fix Antoni From ‘Queer Eye’, For I Am a Lesbian Chef Warrior
 Pink Canoe
Edited by: Courtney O'Donnell

I'm Sorry I Accused You Of Murdering Your Husband After Binge Watching True Crime Shows For A Month 
 Pink Canoe
Edited by: Courtney O'Donnell
*Most read & shared article on Pink Canoe

We Taught a Robot How to Speak Like a ‘Drag Race’ Queen, and the Results Will Have You Gagging
Hornet Stories
Edited by: Alexander Kacala

Call Me Back, Please: 10 Voicemails From the Mothers of Our Favorite LGBTQ Icons
Hornet Stories
Edited by: Stephan Horbelt